"In Your Dreams"
I sit up in the bed that once belonged to my son Nicholas. I sit for long moments pondering how long I'm going to put myself through this. On any other morning I would in the shower contemplating running out and jumping off the second floor balcony headfirst. An act I have been too much a coward to commit for the past two years. Instead I am in the downstairs bathroom dreading the idea of having to go to the psychiatrist today for family grief counseling. I know Rachel is upstairs getting ready, where she would normally be absent due to work. Both of our jobs have given us every Friday off for the past 2 years to attend these ridiculous sessions. Its hard to think anyone gave that much of a dam. I brush my teeth and splash some water on my face, I think about shaving and decided not to. I have no one to keep up pretenses for. I don't even iron my shirt before putting back on yesterdays slacks. I make my way down stairs and Rachel is sitting in the dining room back to the china cabinet, sipping coffee. She was sitting where Nicholas used to sit. Did she realize? Did she even care? Did she ever care? I stop myself from going on in any further for both of our safeties. I motion to her that we should go. We get in the car and drive across town to the doctors office. I hate driving by myself, it is a lonely feeling, and being in the car with Rachel is no better. We don't even look at each other for the entire ride. After the longest 20 minute ride in history we get to the office with about 10 minutes before the appointment. The receptionist is probably the sweetest human being alive but I am unable to ever reciprocate because my heart is just too filled with pain to respond to positive emotion. A few awkward moments pass before our name is called. The room is so bright, I will never understand why there is all this florescent lighting in here. We sit and Rachel begins to speak. She never addresses me directly but she is telling the doctor that I am withdrawn, and walk around in a constant daze. That I have almost no responsiveness at times, and am basically a ghost in the home. Dr. Falconer has heard it all before so he is not surprised. After all he has been seeing us weekly for months. Today though his normal demeanor is altered. He has a very determined look on his face. "Virgil have you ever been hypnotized? I mean have any of the previous doctors tried hypnosis treatment with you?" I was a bit stunned by the question, I had to think harder than I thought was necessary before admitting that it had never been done. "Virgil if you are willing I will try hypnosis and suggestion, to access your deepest thoughts and find out why it is you feel so disconnected from this reality." I follow the doctors direction. I stretch out on the couch. I relax my breathing. I begin to clear my mind. I can hear the sound of water running. I open my eyes and see a device that looks like a water wheel that is constantly cycling water. "Virgil close your eyes and just listen to the water pour and flow over the wheels." I once again place my trust in Dr. Falconers hands. It is mere seconds before I feel my consciousness slip.
I am abruptly woken up. It is late at night and its pouring down raining outside. I can hear a loud ringing in my ears. I am panicking until I realize that its the phone. Can no one else here it? I look over at Rachel, and she is catatonic. I get out of the bed and walk over to the night table that the phone is sitting on. I pick it up and am surprised to hear Dr. Falconer's voice on the other end. "Virgil can you hear me?" I barely can there must be something wrong with his phone. "Yes but not clearly doc." Almost as if on cue the rain stops. "How about now Virgil can you here me better now" His voice is now crystal clear.....did he just stop the rain? "Yes I hear you perfectly now doc." This is odd, but before I can ask why the doctor has called me at such a late hour he begins questioning me. "Virgil where are you?" Thats a silly question he called my home phone. "I'm at home doc, I was in bed its very late you know" I try to hint at him that this is beginning to ware on me. "I apologize Virgil, just a few more quick questions. Where is Rachel at?" I wonder how any of this is relevant at this hour. "She in bed asleep doc, just like I was. Our appointment is for later this morning right?" I can hear the doctor talking to what sounds like a sobbing woman in the background. "Yes Virgil correct, that is correct. One more question. Where is Nicholas?" I can't understand why the doctor has all of these irrelevant questions. "He is downstairs in his room asleep doctor, what is this about Dr. Falconer?" I can hear him comforting the sobbing woman again, who is now bawling. I am really confused now. "Nothing Virgil, I apologize for disturbing you at such a late hour. We will speak in more depth in a few hours. Just lay back down and let the rain sooth you back asleep." "But Doc it's not rain..." I drop the phone before I can finish my sentence. The rain had started again. I can't sleep now, I am far to disturbed. How was Dr. Falconer controlling the weather? What were those questions about?I walk towards the balcony sliding door but as my hand touches the bar to slide it open I hear two loud crashes and collapse to the floor.
I awake to the sound of the doctor snapping his fingers, and of course the water wheel. There is another sound. A whimpering noise. I look over and see Rachel clutching a handkerchief to her face as she lightly cries. She is looking at me as though I had just transformed into a human sized insect. I turn to Dr. Falconer with a sincere look of confusion on my face. He paused just long enough to stop the water wheel. "Virgil we had an excellent session today. I will let you and Rachel go early today." We stand to leave but the doctor grabs me by the arm once Rachel has exited the room. He pulls me back in and looks me square in the face. "Be sure to be completely honest with me when we speak later Virgil" I of course have no idea what he means, but before I can ask he shows me out the door once again. "See you later Virgil, excellent session" This peculiar session is stuck in my mind the entire ride home. I am mentally preoccupied by it. So much so that I hardly notice Rachel staring at me. I turn to her as if to ask her what it is she wants. "Virgil? are you in there still" I stare back her until the light turns green, and drive all the way home never looking her way again. Why would the doctor stress me being honest with him, and what did he mean by when we speak later.....
