Taboo: Tupperware

Tupperware

We all have them, In some way shape form or fashion. They have been acquired through various means, and serve a myriad of purposes. Yes I am talking about those airtight re-sealable plastic containers that we all keep in that special drawer, cabinet, or shelf. Most of the ones I own were secured of Shen-Long Chinese restaurant and their insanely delicious hot and sour soup. Others I purchased, and some were just kept after someone gave me food in them. Nevertheless they are now permanent fixtures in my life. Now if you have ever read any of my previous posts you already know that this post is not about plasticware. It is in fact about a characteristic of said plasticware, that being its airtight sealing ability. It's the biggest draw to these containers, after them being both microwavable and dishwasher safe.Their airtightness is what gives them the ability to preserve and protect what is inside of them. Which brings me to the core purpose of this post. That airtight protection, and how it is achieved. No not for your food, but for your alibi! If you have ever been late somewhere. If you have ever not met a deadline, or been caught speeding, or caught in any situation where you would be required to get yourself off the hook then you have created an alibi before. Some alibis(i.e. the dog ate my homework) are terrible and predictable, and will probably never work. However there are some alibis that ate lead pipe locks to work. Now the vast majority of these require proof for validation purposes. Like if you say you were ill, you may need a doctors note. If you were mourning a passing, you may be asked to present a death certificate, or Obituary. There is an upper echelon of alibi though. Ones that will be believed with no proof necessary. An airtight, solid and dare I say perfect alibi. I securely know of only one of these and there are only a handful of persons that can use it. Those persons being my male friends, and that Alibi being "I was with Ian"(I pray none of my buddies ladies read this lmao). Now it has been a blessing and a curse that every woman any of my friends has been with has taken to me. Some have even gone as far as to say I'm their favorite Bro In Law(awww). However this comes with great responsibility, see these women trust me with the care of their guy, when they are not around. I get a lot of, "Ian keep him out of trouble ok" or "Ian you'll look out for him right?" from them. It's actually quite amusing at times. It can be advantageous because I can use myself as a trump card. If we are having trouble getting a buddy out of the house, we(or I) simply tell his lady that I will be there and she folds. Its almost like a golden ticket. I guess the thing that makes this all so humorous is that up until maybe recent history(the past year) I was the "wild child" in the group. I guess the thing that set me apart was that all of these women understand the seriousness by which I approach relationships, and their sanctity. The downside is that the alibi also works, when I don't know whats going on. Yes "I was with Ian" has been used without my knowledge. It can be frustrating to find out after the fact but I suppose there is not much I can do besides at my buddies to at least give me a heads up. I don't really want to ruin my place as the airtight alibi, I just want to actually be there when we are all hanging out with me ya know? So fellas if you didn't realize this before know ya know, and ladies I am still to be trusted! Salaam

Tuesday's Taboo: Virtual Insanity

Virtual Insanity

(With a little real insanity on the side)

I just turned 25 this year and realized that several pop culture icons, classics, and events shared this silver anniversary with me. I also realized that my age has alloted me the ability to see the inception of several societal mainstays. I was there when the personal computer became a household item. I was around when the concept internet was conceived and then executed. I was around to see dial up become DSL, become T1,2,3, become cable, and then all go wireless. I witnessed the birth of social networking and was actually responsible for my college campus joining the original Facebook network. I have seen all of the evolution of the web and its users and have seen the media engine push it all. So it should be no surprise that after experiencing all of these births how depressing seeing a death must be for me. I don't mean the death of a person, i mean the death of collective practical sense(it started being common years ago) in society.

With the emergence of social networking in its current state, we have become a society of drones. It really scares me sometimes how quickly fallacies, trends, and nonsense spread on the internets. Most of it is due to a concept that I sum up into this saying. "Anything said out loud in public is automatically and indefensibly true." Now imagine if you are a sprightly young woman walking the corridors of your local mall, you are approached by a homely gentleman who is draped in a gaudy clown suit like ensemble with some famous logo emphatically displayed on it. He is rude and obnoxious and soliciting intercourse, you being a woman of elevated morals, discriminating taste of course reject the advances and proceed to walk away. Now before you are 30 ft away the young male proclaims. "Shorty in the leather boots there is a stuck up b*tch" You turn to speak and realized you are powerless, no matter what you do his opinion will be believed and based on your actions potentially supported. Fear not because I am in the crowd and proceed to decapitate the knave while not staining my pinstripe suit with his heart gunk. Now this is an extreme hypothetical, but things like this happen all the time. especially now that we have the web. The internet, and social networking is like alcohol. It doesn't turn you into a person you are not, it is not a mood amplifier, or a manipulator of your psyche. Like alcohol the internet is an amplifier turned to 11! It makes you a Bruce Banner turned Incredible Hulk version of yourself. Without all of the things that make humans naturally socially awkward(cowardice,insecurity,social class systems,cliques etc) the social networking scene is populated by those who have no social skills(trolls) or networking skills.

There are so many symptoms of the human condition that the internet or specifically the social aspect of it, actually worsen. I will proceed to describe (a few of) them.

Paranoia

Something that I suffer from in the real world, and try not to bring into the virtual one. Paranoia is a true sickness. On the net though it can be debilitating. People will not act, they won't speak. They will simply not do anything because they are paranoid of the ramifications. These are the people on FB who want no pictures tagged to them, who delete comments and open no messages. These people think that everyone is out to get them, you will also find them with a twitter DM outbox full of "was that last tweet about me" messages

Stalkers

Everyone that has ever been interested in a person of the opposite(or ocassionally same) sex has participated in this activity to some small degree. Only a select few of us have taken it to the level by which the activity becomes illegal. However on the internet where peoples privacy has been deemed public property EXTREME levels of stalking take place on a regular basis. Profile watching, lurking, creeping, tweetwatching, are all terms used to describe a group of creepy people who clandestinely focus on a person profile like well a STALKER!

Perverts

Every man by age 12 has learned at least 1000 things he can say to a woman that could get him slapped. That is considering that these things or their variations have been said face to face. when dealing with face to screen interaction, it becomes a bit more difficult to develop this same sense of social filter. A pervert will ask a woman he just "met" to show him her "tits" or gtfoh. He will show her pictures of his penis, he will make lewd comments and be generally graphic and vulgar. They let the pervert get away with it because he not directly talking to anyone face to face. However one day he will and will have never learned to do so politely!

Philosophers/Theologians

If you give a speaker(especially a preacher) a mic they will do just that. If you give someone a podium or a stage, or even worse an audience you are in for a world of trouble. Well guess what the internet is.....it's the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with full media coverage, vip tickets, and stadium sound. It is ridiculous how a person assumes they have said something deep because they over complicate a simple worn down cliche. It is more a sad commentary on our society that we have become so mentally diluted that these clowns actually get to have a following. It pains me not to say something to these clowns, but a wise man once told me "wise men should never argue with fools, because from a distance no one can tell the difference" and on the net, everyone is at a distance.

Narcissists

I don't think Narcissus himself was in love with himself as some of those on the net are. See our ancient Greek friend never had the chance to build virtual monuments to himself, or post things only because they will draw him attention. Whether it be photos or ridiculous verbiage. People have actually complained about their experiences on social networking sites because no one has been paying them any attention. Now I could understand this gripe being legitimate when the net was young, and there were less than a million users worldwide(around 0.006% of the population) and not really many opportunities for them to network, now there are people with web access who don't have access to running water and there is a networking site for speakers of over 60 languages. All i'm saying is we have options. We don't have to pay you attention.

Groupies

For as long as there will be groups or individuals deemed important in civilized society, then there will always be groupies. Groupies are a strange sect in real life but online they are a dominant force. Contemporary society is ruled by #Team some dam body and if you are not down with the team then you get attacked. Its quite an interesting dynamic. The way I always understood groupies they were low on the totem pole, but on the net they seem to have flipped things and have become the group of importance themselves.

There are various other groups of psycho internet personalities and I actually originally intended to open this post up to submissions from my fellow net denizens. If you read this blog and would like to describe a type of internet creep you can't stand hit me in the comments and I will include your addition and site you as a source! Now let me leave you with a prophetic 90's tune by my good man James Kay aka Jamiroquai

Tuesday's Taboo:Self Service

Self Service

We have Sam Rosenbaum to thank of for erecting the first Self Service "filling station"(as they were referred to then) Omaha, Nebraska in 1958. Since then his creation has become the universal norm(Save for In New Jersey and Oregon 0.o) in this country. However the concept of self service as I am referring to it, seriously out dates Ole Sam's invention. In fact in the sense that I am eluding to self service has been around almost as long as human curiosity(and self awareness) has existed. Since the dawn of time thousands upon thousands of names, techniques, tricks, benefits, and consequences have been affiliated with this concept. To avoid to much beating around the bush(and to hold the hand of those who need to catch up) I will bluntly state that I am referring to masturbation.

Masturbation has been a taboo since before history was recorded in comprehensible format, and will probably until the end of civilization. I will never forget my crash course in the art of manual release. I was in the seventh grade and trading insults with a classmate when he blurts out"Thats why you got caught in the livin room jackin off!" to which I retorted, "well thats why I heard you got caught kissin {insert gay male student in my 7th grade math class' name}"(sorry I couldn't remember) to which there was no rebuttal. I had won the "crackin" session but was thoroughly confused. You see I threw that Hail Mary Insult Pass because I truly had no idea to what degree I had been insulted and thusly went for the kill as a default reaction. I up to that point had no knowledge of the action, or the taboo associated with it. I know this is surprising for those who have any knowledge of my innately sexual nature. You see it was something we did not talk about at home, at family functions, or in church. Those being the place where at 12 I gained all of my knowledge of the world(I never watched much TV) so I was totally ignorant. I knew about sex, I attempted my first sex act at 5(Me and a 5 y/o girl my Granny was babysitting both stripped to our bare hides jumped in bed and began to "hunch". I got an immaculate ass whoopin from my Dad when we were caught) sex was around me from as early as I can remember. It would not be until the afternoon of that day in 7th grade that I would find out what masturbation was. In fact if I remember correctly I asked the guy who used the term to insult me to explain it to me(irony eh?) Even with this new knowledge it seemed like something I would not be interested in. It just did not seem natural. Now fast forward about 3 years and I am now 15 and convinced I am the only teenage male alive that had not had sex! At the time I had made the decision to wait until marriage, so I finally decided to try this thing as a way of keeping my desires at bay. It was like smoking marijuana for the first time.......I was convinced I had not done it right because I was not achieving what was described as the desired effect. In fact I felt I was doing more damage to myself than anything. The first time I tried I used soap for lubrication.....NEVER DO THIS!!!! In fact it was not until maybe the 4th or 5th attempt(and more enlightenment from a female friend/expert) that I correctly achieved climax. It was once again like getting high the first time, it was initially amazing and eternally unattainable. Now I would say that when it comes to it I fall somewhere between never and below average. However I do generally support the idea of the concept! Not for men exclusively either. I understand this is an even greater taboo for women but come on, if you have ever danced to Lady GaGa, mentioned Katt Stacks, or worn Baby Phat, then you are incapable of shame anyway! Don't get me wrong I am not trying to persuade anyone to my stance, all I will do is expound on my thought process in coming to it. I considered what I feel to be the most compelling arguments for and against(which were all presented to me from actual human interactions!) the idea of Self Serving

Pros

(contributors relation to me)

Fidelity - (A Close College Buddy)

"Look fellas I am telling no man not to go smash as many females as he wants, but only if you are single. Don't cheat on your girl man, especially if you got a good girl! You are a better man than to cheat cause your girl aint here. Hell put the lotion in the mocrowave if you need to!" Yes my good friend said this in a public forum amongst other men. I wanted to laugh but I had already left the land of the living and had to be hit with the defibrillator before I could do anything! His presentation was obscenely comedic, but his point was overtly concrete. Cheating is wrong, and should be avoided at all costs if one is to consider themselves an adult deserving of respect. I can totally see where he was coming from. I mean if this is what you must do to get by until the next time you two are reunited for the purpose of coitus then by all means do it

Celibacy - (A "too close" female friend of a friend)

With one hand on my crotch(Mr. Frank and the Bean twins all at once) and the other "wielding" a toy she told me this. "I use this(waves toy) so that I don't have to use that (squeezes crotch >..<)" I had to respect her, once because she held the lives of my children(future) in her grasp, and second because she was committed to her principle. She knew that just because she decided to stop fulfilling the desire that it did not mean she would be liberated of the desire itself. Therefore she found a proxy, that did not violate her principles. I thought it was commendable. I once had another buddy who was a virgin tell me that he was "sexually frustrated" I told him that was impossible. He asked me to explain how? I told him that unless you have been underwater gasping for air you will never know what its like to long for a single breath of air. He saw it my way after that. If celibacy is living underwater than masturbation must be gills.

Insomnia - (A former lover)

The scientific community has discovered that there is a myriad of chemicals released into the body at the point of orgasm, however four in particular have a profound effect on us. Oxytocin a chemical which causes diminished stress and tension, Vassopressin which incites a feeling of trust and attachment, Melatonin a chemical common in sleeping pills which has a profound on your bodies internal clock, and perhaps the greatest culprit Prolactin a chemical that usually prevelant at high levels during sleep to help the body maintain that state(sidenote according to the 5th paragraph of this article I may have a Prolactin defficiency). Now the science community has determined that incoursal orgasms produce 4 times as much Prolactin as masturbatory ones, it is still a level high enough to lead to immediate sleepiness. Perhaps this is why the young lady told me she had to develop a "natural" remedy to insomnia since and I quote "I don't have time to be addicted to sleeping pills or you"

Cons

Obsession - (College Acquaintance)

I am not a person who has an addictive personality. I think I too stubborn(and narcissistic) to allow anything to have that much control over me and my actions. However some people are not capable of the same thing. Some folks have to completely abstain from alcohol because one drink will have them off the wagon, some people can't look at a cigarette or else they will end up buying a pack and so on and so forth. The same goes when it comes to masturbation. During my first stint in college I actually had a guy confess to me(WHY ME!?!?!?) that he had started doing it when he was 11 and had been hooked ever since. To the point where he can't start a day without touching himself in the shower, before dressing, and before he leaves the house/dorm. So after I prayed with him(and sanitized my hands) I began to think how many people suffered from this addiction. Like most things in the world in moderation its harmless but beyond the physical ramifications, the social, emotional, and psychological harm are potentially tragic

Cleanliness - (Female High School Friend/Expert)

It was in the 10th grade that not only was I educated in the proper technique, but I was also taught about a special "ability" that only a small percentage of the female population posses. See the young lady explained to me what a "squirter" was, and all the intricacies of dealing with one. She was by her proclamation, one herself(yet unproven) and therefore could speak as an authority. At either rate I was taken aback after discovering that clean up could be a deferring issue for women also.

Religion - (A Co-Worker at Starbucks)

I can only speak from what I know in this regard, and will be respectful to everyone's beliefs. With that said, there are three topics that the average mortal need not ever debate me in. 1. Greek Mythology 2. Spike Lee Movies 3. The Bible why did my co worker choose The Bible, at either rate they were not able to provide tangible contextual scriptural evidence that speaks against this practice, HOWEVER. I must concede that there is a passage I live by now and in retrospect should have remembered more quickly. That says(and I'll paraphrase) That no one should do anything that hinders another's walk. So even though I know that in Christianity there is no basis for an argument against, if it is an intricate part of your journey It is not my place to block your path.

So there it is, all layed out for you to ingest and make your own decision. I am putting the "ball" in your "hands" do with it what you Will!

Bloggers Note: Just for Shiggles(Shits + Giggles) why not check out this site and see if you have any of these characteristics LMAO

Tuesday's Taboo: Environmentalism

Save The Rainforest!

So by now anyone who reads my blog knows that my titles rarely have anything(directly) to do with the content of the post. So heavy disclaimer this post is not about the actual rainforest like the one you would see in South America. It is about a different southern region that I have given the name the rainforest. Now when you think of the rainforest, you think of a mystical, beautiful place. A place of lush growth, warmth and heavy moisture. A beautiful place that is constantly in danger of being over cut. If you have not gotten me yet(you don't follow me on twitter clearly) then let me help you out. I am referring to the nether region of the female anatomy! Yes I have name the paradise in a womans panties after, real life paradise. The two have all of the aforementioned things in common and I am equally interested in saving both of them.

Now many a time I have been told because of my preference in things that I was born in the wrong decade. The only American cars I like were made before 1975. Some of my favorite music was recorded before I was born. I seldom dress like someone in my peer age group(I am still FLY though) and my countenance, gait, and demeanor, remind many of days of old. So when it comes to this whole personal grooming thing(I am trying to avoid vulgarity) I once again must take the classic stance. Perhaps it is due to exposure like all of my other dated preferences. The first cars I rode in were classics, I lived for 4 years of my life surrounded by adults, and thus have develop most of my "old school" ways from those experiences. The first time I saw a bare pubic region I was about 8. It wasn't live, and the internets had not been invented yet(dam I'm old) so I didn't see it there either. This experience came during a stay at my great grandmother's(s/n am I the only one who's great grandmother's bed had that 2 ton blanket she put on you when she wanted you to go to sleep?) house. I to this very day have never asked but have always wondered why on a shelf behind some old plates my great grandmother had a set of beautiful glasses with the image of naked women spread eagle on them. 0.o At any rate this was my first time seeing the rainforest.

Now I would continue to have other experiences that would lead me to understand this as the norm, accidentally finding my fathers stash(which he was playing in my VCR on my tv age 11), a friend gifting me vintage playboy mags(age14) and the loss of my virginity(age 16) however it would seem after that I was behind some universal growth curve. everyone had at some meeting that I was surely not invited to, decided that women must be shaved. I could not understand why. I found so much beauty in the rainforest. So much mystery, and intrigue. Not to mention it is just flat out sexy! My idea though is that (despite our unwillingness to admit it) the increase in the availability and quality of pornography has shaped our sexuality as a society. When women wore a bush in Playboy and were considered the sexiest women in society(or at least the ones that men desired) other women followed suit. So when cameras got clearer, and the web came into play, and our desire to infuse ourselves became greater porn had to adjust. Thus the scorched earth theory was born. I actually think it's a morbid ideology because it was bred from the idea that if a man can shave his beard and look younger that a woman can groom her pubic hair and appear younger. Gentleman this is borderline pedophilia! This desire for a "hot teen" or young "nymph" has driven men to have women follow in this bizarre grooming practice. Now I do believe like any area of growth pruning is necessary for maximum beautification, but keep in mind why an evergreen is beautiful. Because it's lush and full, now imagine if all there was to it was the trunk. I mean I know I am in the minority in this but come on, if more of us speak up we can become the majority again, and take things back to where they should be! Together we can save the rainforests of the world and preserve true beauty!

Besides who really thinks this is sexy.....

Tuesday's Taboo: Peas and Rice!

Tuesday's Taboo Topic:

Cross Cultural Relationships

I know right now any Jamaican/Jamaican-Americans who might stumble upon my blog are looking at the title of this post as if it is a foreign language(they insist its the other way around.) I chose this as the title of this post because it goes right in line with a Facebook status I posted last Wednesday(August 18th) which was the precursor of this post. The status went something like "The key to successful cross-cultural relationships is the involved parties ability to come to one simple decision. How will we cook the rice?"

This one question seems comical, but in my opinion should be the biggest cross cultural issue that we have to deal with when it comes to being in a relationship with some one from another culture, ethnic group etc. I'm going to take a moment to put on my softest pair of shoes because I know I will be stepping on toes and I wish to minimize the damage done. Now yes I am speaking from the perspective of a black man who is open to to dating, or even marrying a woman from any cultural or ethnic group. I don't think any of those things should dictate how you feel about a person of the opposite sex(yes I went there) I will proceed to dispel what I feel are some of the most inane arguments against cross cultural/ethnic relationships.

1. "They won't understand you like a woman/man of the same ethnicity/culture would"

I have heard this one a lot, in fact and to my eternal shame I have even defended this stance. That was until I stopped for a minute and thought it over while having a conversation about urinating(with my girlfriend at the time) During the conversation she asked me why I didn't sit while urinating. She explained that all the men she lived with(Father, two brothers, older cousin) all did and she thought it was impolite of a man to stand. So me being me of course, had to defend my need, no dare I say my duty as a man to stand. I told her about how it was cleaner for a man to do so, and more naturally comfortable. This conversation ended but the disagreement did not, even after providing evidence from medical science stating that men are meant to stand(standing puts less pressure on the prostate) She could not understand still. It was not that she was unintelligent, in fact she was very much so. It was that her lens of perspective was altered by her life experiences and she could not focus on my point of view. I realized then that no human being could ever understand what it is like for another human being. It doesn't matter that we are apart of the same ethnic group, and our ancestors and perhaps even ourselves both experienced discrimination or oppression. We are inherently different persons and therefore will never be able to truly understand the effect it had, is having, or will have on one another. (advanced apology) Just because we are both black doesn't mean you understand the struggle or strife of the black man in this country (in progress apology) it doesn't matter if your grandfather, father, uncles, cousins, and every one of your 16 brothers are(were) black men you will never fully understand unless you are one yourself(in which case we won't be in a relationship{and furthermore you still wouldn't understand what its like to be THIS black man[post apology]}) Understanding what its like to be a man is something no woman has the capacity for and vice versa, no matter what the ethnic make up of either party

2. "You don't respect your mother by not being with a woman of her ethnic make up"

Okay not only are you ignorant, and incorrect but you are also extremely offensive. You have no idea the relationship Mom and I have so don't assume to know anything about it. *deep breath* Now I am not a parent but my opinion of them is that all(normal) parents only want their children to be happy, healthy, and some degree or interpretation of successful(in theory) I have never heard a (normal)mother brag about the ethnic make up of a child's spouse. I can't even imagine my mother's voice forming the words necessary to brag about the ethnicity of my spouse. It just sounds ridiculous. Now to the idea that marrying a woman of like ethnicity to your mother is some form of tribute to your mother let me point you in the direction of a great work by Sophocles entitled Oedipus Rex. I'm sorry the greatest tribute I can pay to my mom is to make her proud of me, and specifically in my case give her a granddaughter. Its certainly not marrying a woman that is exactly like her. That is perverse in the most profound way. Someone already married a woman like her, he is my father. Now in my case he stayed married to her, and reminds me regularly that she is his wife and I better get my own woman(his reply to me when I asked if I could take mom to the movies....I was 17) So you know what, I will listen to Dad. I will get my own woman, a woman I love and adore and want to marry, that is not my mothers replica(gross) and most importantly can help me give my mom a girl....smh

3. "You don't care about your people if you date/marry outside of your ethnic group"

This is probably the most troubling statement of this group. This I must admit is the one that has had the most effect on me. I have throughout life been considered to be militant, and quite the passionate activist and culture-centric individual. I agree with these opinions of me which has caused me quite a bit of internal turmoil. I have spent a lot of time considering the possible validity of this statement. It was not until the Inauguration of the first President Of The United States of African descent that I realized that this was an exercise in futility because this statement had none. It dawned on me that the spouse you marry has no bearing on the care you have for your ethnic group. Now because I am black(I despise the term African American for future reference) I am going to do a little picking on black people because its all I know(sorry) I was told by a female that I don't care about all the sistas' out there who won't find a good man because I am with some (insert any ethnic group) woman. At first I would think man I really need to lift up a sista' and show her what a good man is. Then I realized two things. First it is near impossible for an adult man to show an adult woman what a good man is if she has no point of reference to understand it. Meaning if her dad, or the men she with before you were not good men she won't understand or know how to receive you. Its not her fault or yours, it is merely the sad reality of how the brain works. There is a chance it will work though which brings me to the second realization. I am only one man. I can only effect the life of one woman, and I think I should be allowed to make that a woman that I both love and adore, and one who feels the same about me. Not merely one that "needs" me or one that will be benefited by me. I mean in a world where the global population gender ratio is 6 to 1 women to men its numerically impossible to "save" or uplift through a relationship every woman, unless we universally change our views on polygamy. I have come to realize that all that is required of me to love my people and serve them, is that I love my people and serve them. I don't think a young man in need of direction, and mentoring, or a young woman who needs a positive male example, or a big brother figure will turn down my love and servanthood because of the ethnicity of my spouse.

This is just my point of view and my piece. This is something I feel very passionate about. We all say we want unity, and love but this is the first step. What we practice, and teach our children is our future. If we practice and teach hate, there will always be hate and division. Salaam

Love is a practice of the heart, strangely there are no differences between them

Tuesday's Taboo: The Pseudo Relationship and Cheating

Talking, Dating, Kickin It, Goin Together, and Cheating

Ok first let me apologize Tuesday got away from me I was ridiculously busy all day, so I am addressing Tuesdays Taboo on Wednesday yeah I know once again I apologize.

I am not sure at what point in urban history this phrase "Talking" was introduced. I only want to know the exact date so I can mark it as the end of conventional sense, and the beginning of collective coonery. I having been raised under an English language tyrant never had the opportunity to stay current on urban vernacular. Hell I am convinced I still don't know what this phrase means beyond actually speaking, something that has caused me problems with people who have forgotten that the word had a meaning before it was lent to it's urban meaning. I guess my biggest issue with it, is that like most urban terms it is ambiguous and subjective. There are no defined parameters, or set protocols when one is "talkin" to someone. From what I gather it simply means that you are spending time with a person and having regular phone based conversations with them. It appears that at some point phone communication with a person of the opposite was deemed a sign of something going on. However it would appear that none of these situations are exclusive, but if someone violates the "sanctity" of them it is a problem. It seems like noone ever wants to talk about how silly this all is. Noone wants to be tied down in a relationship anymore but we want an exclusive pseudo-relationship situation. It makes no sense at all. I am old school, dating is a scene. You can "date" several people because dating just means going on dates. After dating a person for a while then you make a commitment to exclusivity. At which point you are in a committed relationship. Noone says these things anymore, they are too defined. We would rather hide behind an "It's Complicated" relationship status. If there is no real commitment to exclusivity there is no such thing as cheating. My mother says that if you are not married there is no such thing as cheating. I won't go that far but it's ridiculous what constitutes cheating nowadays. Trust is the issue, and until people make the decision to put effort into trusting we will continue to have baboon relationships where we flip out and go nuts if someone is breathing near our partner.....

p.s. Trust is not built when things seems right. when things are strange, or unpleasent, uncertain, or difficult, that is when trust is truly built.