And The Oscar Goes To

And The Oscar Goes To...

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love movies. Movies of all types from documentaries, to classics I love them all(ok maybe not corny Rom-Coms) However one aspect of the movie watching experience I have come to completely despise is the awards. Ok not all the awards because recently I have fallen in love with the Golden Globes, and their penchant for actually rewarding talent and ability, and not being hand cuffed by diplomacy, and bureaucracy. The Oscars on the other hand have been consistently disappointing me for years. First lets step back and address to me what is the greater issue. Why is there a such thing as an award given for an art form that can ONLY be subjectively judged. Yes I know saying this would open an entirely new can of worms that I am not prepared to mess with. I know that awards like the Pulitzer, The Tony's, and *sneer* The Grammys(which I hate by the way also) are also based on subjective judgment. I am asking this though, why are expressions of art like plays, movies, books, and music the only ones we butcher by placing the pressure of having to be "award" caliber in order to maintain relevancy? Why not sculpture, and painting? How about architecture or cooking? For that matter lets make an award for everything that we as a society have an subjective opinion of? If it sounds ridiculous thats because it simply is. There is no legit criteria for award something that is based in opinion. The big issue is who's opinion is more valuable than the person who is interpreting the art form. Academy of Film what makes you the supreme authority on what is quality and what is not? What makes your opinion of a film hold more merit than mine? I do appreciate the few awards out there that weigh in consensus opinions because at least that gives us an idea of what the majority of people feel but who is to say that even they are correct. Thats the beautiful thing about opinions, we all get to have one. Like it or not, agree with it or no the person who thinks your favorite movie is trash is allowed to think so! So how with so opinions out there are we able to have an awards system that is designed to stifle opinions? i know my random rant won't change anything. I also realize that maybe in some twisted way the awards keep some actors employed since the same people don't win them every year. I would just for once see a real uninhibited piece of artistic expression be recognized, appreciated and lifted up rather than seeing writers and directors force themselves through cookie cutter criteria in order to be considered for the damned Oscars. I know I will probably never see this my life time but what I do know is that if Christian Bale gets an Oscar for playing himself in The Fighter I will have an EFFING ANEURYSM!!!

Introspection: The Giving Tree

Introspection Series: Volume III

"The Giving Tree"

We are all(or at least those of us who have had a decent childhood) familiar with the Shel Silverstein book by the same title. I personally must have read it a thousand times. No literally the first copy I owned was read until disintegration. I gave myself to that book until it just couldn't take it anymore and fell apart under the weight of my voracity. I don't remember at what age exactly I initially read the book but I am certain that upon completing it I had just read my own biography as told to me by Mr. Silverstein. See I like the tree in the book had a thing for giving. Now as a young person, or as a very emotionally driven person you may see the actions of the tree as loving and caring and generous. I would agree with you 100% on these points, however after deeper examination of the story I realize the scary self destructive potential that this particular level of giving possesses. To the degree that it could be a fault. It is a fine line to walk. On that one may find is increasingly unclear, as the journey continues. See in the book, all the tree wanted to do was be loved back, and so it gave of itself because it loved and desired reciprocity. This is an entirely different conversation(and possibly blog post) in itself, if we try to determine if gestures of love are merely attempts to receive reciprocated affection. In the interest of time and space, lets move on. The previous theory was a very common one about me however I can honestly say that my motivation for my giving nature is not such. There is something about me that just hates to see those around me without. I have a tendency to give and give of myself until, I have nothing left for me. For a long time this was very self destructive. Most recently so in the last serious relationship I was in. It is never a good mix for a person that is needy to be with a person that is giving. It is a toxic symbiosis for both parties involved. I would do and do and do some more. For her, her family, her friends until I burned out. I got to a point where I felt taken advantage of and began to refuse. something that was alien to me. These out of character actions would not last long though as I quickly fell back into to my traditional role of giver. It became unhealthy and it was obvious to everyone around me, save for myself. I had to have a true awakening, and come to the realization that though I wanted to give her the world I could not at the expense of well....my world. Needless to say I had to re evaluate and reset. We wound up broken up. It was at this point that I approached giving with a new attitude. I still desired to give everyone I loved everything they ever wanted but, I realized that I needed to put myself in a better position to do so. I could not just wallow in the mire of my situation. I had to use my desire to give as a motivational tool. I must better myself, and put myself in a better position to give. I had to realize that those who I care about(and who care for me) have a strong desire to see me succeed, and have personal happiness. I had to learn to be concerned with self and strive for personal gain(to a degree at least). I still have a tendency every once in a while to over extend myself in an attempt to give to another but I am no longer hypnotically controlled by these desires. I unlike the tree have learned to give of myself without destroying myself in the process. In the end, It is ME that my loved ones truly desire....

Salaam

And the tree was happy

Evangeline

"Evangeline"

Lovers and fighters, from the inception of of history

have looked to the night sky for blessings of victory

and I being both thought to do much of the same

shout to the sky and make the stars write my name

but as my gaze affixed on the bright lights on heavens lawn

my eyes met a light that was so bright I became like a fawn

or a buck either a deer in the headlights in awe of sheer glory

so much so I have to dedicate time to telling the story

You see as my eyes locked on this distant beauty I was done

She smiled at me a smile as bright and furious as the sun

I call it a smile because the her twinkle changed as my gaze began

as if this star realized that it was being watched by its new biggest fan

I knew it was a smile because I could feel the warmth she gave

and i knew for fact that this was not how stars usually behave

I stared at the sky that night until the next night came

and I could feel her staring back at me the feeling still the same

and though we were separated by thousands of miles

our passion for each other is one for historical files

we communicated in a way that only we understood

our love like a hearth her the fire me the wood

I often wonder do I shine as bright to her as she does to me

Does she realize that I nightly pray for wings to make me free

I would pierce the heavens and traverse the void of space

There's no end to the end I would go just to see her face

I'd fight and scrap and struggle tooth and nail

determined that this in this battle I will prevail

I will give an effort like none that has ever been seen

because I have fallen in love with my own Evangeline

Star light

Star bright

First star I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have this wish I wish tonight

Tuesday's Taboo: Virtual Insanity

Virtual Insanity

(With a little real insanity on the side)

I just turned 25 this year and realized that several pop culture icons, classics, and events shared this silver anniversary with me. I also realized that my age has alloted me the ability to see the inception of several societal mainstays. I was there when the personal computer became a household item. I was around when the concept internet was conceived and then executed. I was around to see dial up become DSL, become T1,2,3, become cable, and then all go wireless. I witnessed the birth of social networking and was actually responsible for my college campus joining the original Facebook network. I have seen all of the evolution of the web and its users and have seen the media engine push it all. So it should be no surprise that after experiencing all of these births how depressing seeing a death must be for me. I don't mean the death of a person, i mean the death of collective practical sense(it started being common years ago) in society.

With the emergence of social networking in its current state, we have become a society of drones. It really scares me sometimes how quickly fallacies, trends, and nonsense spread on the internets. Most of it is due to a concept that I sum up into this saying. "Anything said out loud in public is automatically and indefensibly true." Now imagine if you are a sprightly young woman walking the corridors of your local mall, you are approached by a homely gentleman who is draped in a gaudy clown suit like ensemble with some famous logo emphatically displayed on it. He is rude and obnoxious and soliciting intercourse, you being a woman of elevated morals, discriminating taste of course reject the advances and proceed to walk away. Now before you are 30 ft away the young male proclaims. "Shorty in the leather boots there is a stuck up b*tch" You turn to speak and realized you are powerless, no matter what you do his opinion will be believed and based on your actions potentially supported. Fear not because I am in the crowd and proceed to decapitate the knave while not staining my pinstripe suit with his heart gunk. Now this is an extreme hypothetical, but things like this happen all the time. especially now that we have the web. The internet, and social networking is like alcohol. It doesn't turn you into a person you are not, it is not a mood amplifier, or a manipulator of your psyche. Like alcohol the internet is an amplifier turned to 11! It makes you a Bruce Banner turned Incredible Hulk version of yourself. Without all of the things that make humans naturally socially awkward(cowardice,insecurity,social class systems,cliques etc) the social networking scene is populated by those who have no social skills(trolls) or networking skills.

There are so many symptoms of the human condition that the internet or specifically the social aspect of it, actually worsen. I will proceed to describe (a few of) them.

Paranoia

Something that I suffer from in the real world, and try not to bring into the virtual one. Paranoia is a true sickness. On the net though it can be debilitating. People will not act, they won't speak. They will simply not do anything because they are paranoid of the ramifications. These are the people on FB who want no pictures tagged to them, who delete comments and open no messages. These people think that everyone is out to get them, you will also find them with a twitter DM outbox full of "was that last tweet about me" messages

Stalkers

Everyone that has ever been interested in a person of the opposite(or ocassionally same) sex has participated in this activity to some small degree. Only a select few of us have taken it to the level by which the activity becomes illegal. However on the internet where peoples privacy has been deemed public property EXTREME levels of stalking take place on a regular basis. Profile watching, lurking, creeping, tweetwatching, are all terms used to describe a group of creepy people who clandestinely focus on a person profile like well a STALKER!

Perverts

Every man by age 12 has learned at least 1000 things he can say to a woman that could get him slapped. That is considering that these things or their variations have been said face to face. when dealing with face to screen interaction, it becomes a bit more difficult to develop this same sense of social filter. A pervert will ask a woman he just "met" to show him her "tits" or gtfoh. He will show her pictures of his penis, he will make lewd comments and be generally graphic and vulgar. They let the pervert get away with it because he not directly talking to anyone face to face. However one day he will and will have never learned to do so politely!

Philosophers/Theologians

If you give a speaker(especially a preacher) a mic they will do just that. If you give someone a podium or a stage, or even worse an audience you are in for a world of trouble. Well guess what the internet is.....it's the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with full media coverage, vip tickets, and stadium sound. It is ridiculous how a person assumes they have said something deep because they over complicate a simple worn down cliche. It is more a sad commentary on our society that we have become so mentally diluted that these clowns actually get to have a following. It pains me not to say something to these clowns, but a wise man once told me "wise men should never argue with fools, because from a distance no one can tell the difference" and on the net, everyone is at a distance.

Narcissists

I don't think Narcissus himself was in love with himself as some of those on the net are. See our ancient Greek friend never had the chance to build virtual monuments to himself, or post things only because they will draw him attention. Whether it be photos or ridiculous verbiage. People have actually complained about their experiences on social networking sites because no one has been paying them any attention. Now I could understand this gripe being legitimate when the net was young, and there were less than a million users worldwide(around 0.006% of the population) and not really many opportunities for them to network, now there are people with web access who don't have access to running water and there is a networking site for speakers of over 60 languages. All i'm saying is we have options. We don't have to pay you attention.

Groupies

For as long as there will be groups or individuals deemed important in civilized society, then there will always be groupies. Groupies are a strange sect in real life but online they are a dominant force. Contemporary society is ruled by #Team some dam body and if you are not down with the team then you get attacked. Its quite an interesting dynamic. The way I always understood groupies they were low on the totem pole, but on the net they seem to have flipped things and have become the group of importance themselves.

There are various other groups of psycho internet personalities and I actually originally intended to open this post up to submissions from my fellow net denizens. If you read this blog and would like to describe a type of internet creep you can't stand hit me in the comments and I will include your addition and site you as a source! Now let me leave you with a prophetic 90's tune by my good man James Kay aka Jamiroquai

Study LONG, Study WRONG

Pulpit or Pedestal?

I recently watched an old clip of comedian and comedy news show host Jon Stewart on crossfire. The basic premise of the visit was to discuss social responsibility in the media, and how the hosts of crossfire were not fulfilling it. I took cues from this to stop trying to fit my social commentary into the cramped confines of a Facebook status and try to actually say something.

If you are from the south and have played any of several turn based games, either cards, dominoes, horseshoes, checkers etc. there is a strong chance you have heard the phrase "study long, study wrong". It basically means, hurry up, stop over thinking because you will only end up making the wrong move anyway. An interesting concept, in that it would appear to me that there is a shred of validity to it. I feel that to act to swiftly on pure impulse is illogical and frequently leads to poor results, however on the opposite end of the spectrum one can over think an action and literally wait yourself out of your opportunity.

I felt that considering subject this phrase was the perfect lead in to this post. I am certain that I am going to walk the line of controversy. I have but one question? Given he is guilty, what would make Bishop Long any more wrong than any other person guilty of a similar crime? Oh I get it, he is a Pastor. He is held to a higher standard. He is a spiritual leader, and mentor. So let me ask you this, do these truths nullify the human condition? Did he participate in some sacred ritual removing the "Adamic Nature"(the idea that all humans have the urge towards sin) from him? Did he consume Holy Ichor or Ambrosia thus deifying him? If you say yes, then I demand proof, if not then why are we so surprised that a human being made a mistake. Now please don't take me incorrectly. I do not wish to say that if guilty, he would not be wrong. Nor am I saying that the very accusations has debased his credibility as a spiritual leader. What I am suggesting is that our level disappointment in the man is our own burden. The simple law of gravity will show us that the higher the height something is lifted the greater distance of its fall. I am of the belief that the height to which we raise our religious leaders is directly correlated with the severity of their falls. We have made monuments of these men(something the Bible speaks against) and are being crushed by them when they fall. Any and every man of God is merely a mouthpiece of the divine. They function as a mic and amp for God. They are no more or no less human than those to whom their words are directed. Now tell me how many microphones does a singer, a public speaker, a poet, or any other performer go through in a career? How many microphones are praised for their ability to carry the voice of their user? How many microphones receive the glory for what is coming through them? Then why are human microphones elevated to a level equal to the one who's message they carry? These men of God, God's mouthpiece's are imperfect, fallible, and ultimately replaceable. We must(as believers) cease and desist raising our leaders to an unnatural and superhuman level. There is an old saying that goes something like "If you have no expectations for person they can never disappoint you" inversely if you have unrealistic expectations for a person they will disappoint you in an unimaginable way. Now I am not saying that religious leaders don't have a standard to uphold or an image to portray. What I am saying is that this image can not be one of a deity. We must keep in mind the humanity of those we admire lest they disappoint us to the level that we are incapable of admiration ever again. It's time we stop placing the importance on the messenger and place more emphasis on the message. We must lift up the words, and not their handler. We have to study the the sender, and not the one that was sent. Just remember if you study Long you study wrong.

Tashakor

Introspection: Transparency

Introspection Series: Volume II

Transparency

I have always been a fan of superheros. The lore, the mythology, the power were all so attractive to me. I loved finding out that the Flash was so fast he could vibrate the molecules of his body through solid matter.I was awestruck when I found out that the Green Lanterns ring has enough power to create an energy field the size of our galaxy, that the Silver Surfer can manipulate all forms of matter, that Jean Gray could simultaneously control the minds of every human on the planet that was not either a telepath or trained to defend against them. However with all the comics I read, and all the shows I watched there were always two superpowers that stood out as supreme to me. See the issue with great power is that the responsibility can be an oppressive burden. These two powers on the other hand at least in my mind represent pure, unbridled freedom. They are flying and invisibility. There are no limitations if you are not restricted by gravity, or can not be seen by the naked(or assisted) eye.

I've had to accept that God intended for man to fly(unassisted) he would have molded wings from the clay he formed us with. So that one is out of the picture however the science community is currently developing the technology to allow human beings to be invisible to surveillance equipment through the technology of light refraction suits. The wearers body would bend light around it making it impossible for any lens to pick it up. What I am trying to achieve is a more organic type of invisibility. I strive to have people be able to purely look straight through me. Absolute transparency is the goal.

Now I'm sure you may be wondering how is this possible(and perhaps even what this post is really about) for a human being, even if their parents are glass makers. Well the truest form of organic transparency is honesty. There in as the bard would say lies the "rub". You see I had this habit that kept me from maintaining transparency. I was a habitual liar. Now some folks are subconscious fibbers, and they may not realize they have spoken an untruth. Some are habitual liars ad know it as well as those they have a habit of lying to because most habitual liars are bad at it. I on the other hand was no ordinary falsifier. I was Mickey Mouse as The Sorcerer's Apprentice in Fantasia. I could literally recreate reality. I lied so often and so well that I may have actually caused some sort of rift in the time space continuum and altered the course of people's lives. I knew I had a problem, I knew I needed to stop, but when you are good at something, I mean like truly gifted(I was the Michael Jordan of lying) at it, trying to give it up can be as futile as asking water to no longer be wet. My father said of me once "He says things so convincingly because he makes himself believe them, and you have no choice but to follow suit." It was a sad but true commentary of me. During a period of deep reflection I came to realize that the majority of my lying came from a dissatisfaction with self. I have had serious self image issues probably since the entrance of child number 2 in the extended family. I had 4 years of spoiling where there were no other children around to distract from me, but with the birth of each new child(sibling and cousins) I felt like the love for me was dwindling and I was no longer special. I decided I would start to create a new me, a projection of who I thought people would want to see. No one saw me anymore, at least not the real me. They saw the me I had manufactured for them. A me that could manipulate them into loving me, a me that needed to manipulate himself into loving me. Love of self is a journey in my mind one that I started late, not because of upbringing, or lack of nurture as that was ever present, but because of poor self image and insecurity. I had to do something for I feared I would lose myself, and never have any Identity. I think back to the words of a young woman I have always admired. She was my college queen my freshman year and she told me once after witnessing me host an event and pander to the crowds desire to see "Host ID" that I knew who I was, who I wanted and needed to be, and that I should not allow people to dictate who I would be for them. Those words got buried deep within me in 2004 and would not sprout until maybe 2008 when I realized the validity in them. Since then I have striven to do nothing more than that. I no longer needed my lies because I was finally starting to love the me that I truly was. I apologize if you met me in a time when I did not know and love myself, and thus were exposed to my fallacious deceit. I apologize if I have not made amends with you if you stuck around long enough for me to change but were still unaware of my past misdeeds. Finally I apologize to every person I have mislead, hurt, betrayed, let down, or damaged with my lies, I long for retribution, and reparation if you will have it. I greet the day now with a renewed spirit and love of myself, overjoyed at the relief of this burden.

Salaam Tashakor

This is the look I'm going for. I know the tie is not my style but otherwise this is what I want you to see when you look at me.

Band Geek Flashback

Trumpet Fan Fare

I was on some random band geek stuff while giving my brain a rest today(look ma no posts) and stumbled upon this. It is the second time I have heard it numerous times before(all by this trumpet section) but never quite like this!

Norfolk State University Dizziacs