And The Oscar Goes To

And The Oscar Goes To...

Anyone who knows anything about me knows that I love movies. Movies of all types from documentaries, to classics I love them all(ok maybe not corny Rom-Coms) However one aspect of the movie watching experience I have come to completely despise is the awards. Ok not all the awards because recently I have fallen in love with the Golden Globes, and their penchant for actually rewarding talent and ability, and not being hand cuffed by diplomacy, and bureaucracy. The Oscars on the other hand have been consistently disappointing me for years. First lets step back and address to me what is the greater issue. Why is there a such thing as an award given for an art form that can ONLY be subjectively judged. Yes I know saying this would open an entirely new can of worms that I am not prepared to mess with. I know that awards like the Pulitzer, The Tony's, and *sneer* The Grammys(which I hate by the way also) are also based on subjective judgment. I am asking this though, why are expressions of art like plays, movies, books, and music the only ones we butcher by placing the pressure of having to be "award" caliber in order to maintain relevancy? Why not sculpture, and painting? How about architecture or cooking? For that matter lets make an award for everything that we as a society have an subjective opinion of? If it sounds ridiculous thats because it simply is. There is no legit criteria for award something that is based in opinion. The big issue is who's opinion is more valuable than the person who is interpreting the art form. Academy of Film what makes you the supreme authority on what is quality and what is not? What makes your opinion of a film hold more merit than mine? I do appreciate the few awards out there that weigh in consensus opinions because at least that gives us an idea of what the majority of people feel but who is to say that even they are correct. Thats the beautiful thing about opinions, we all get to have one. Like it or not, agree with it or no the person who thinks your favorite movie is trash is allowed to think so! So how with so opinions out there are we able to have an awards system that is designed to stifle opinions? i know my random rant won't change anything. I also realize that maybe in some twisted way the awards keep some actors employed since the same people don't win them every year. I would just for once see a real uninhibited piece of artistic expression be recognized, appreciated and lifted up rather than seeing writers and directors force themselves through cookie cutter criteria in order to be considered for the damned Oscars. I know I will probably never see this my life time but what I do know is that if Christian Bale gets an Oscar for playing himself in The Fighter I will have an EFFING ANEURYSM!!!

Introspection: The Giving Tree

Introspection Series: Volume III

"The Giving Tree"

We are all(or at least those of us who have had a decent childhood) familiar with the Shel Silverstein book by the same title. I personally must have read it a thousand times. No literally the first copy I owned was read until disintegration. I gave myself to that book until it just couldn't take it anymore and fell apart under the weight of my voracity. I don't remember at what age exactly I initially read the book but I am certain that upon completing it I had just read my own biography as told to me by Mr. Silverstein. See I like the tree in the book had a thing for giving. Now as a young person, or as a very emotionally driven person you may see the actions of the tree as loving and caring and generous. I would agree with you 100% on these points, however after deeper examination of the story I realize the scary self destructive potential that this particular level of giving possesses. To the degree that it could be a fault. It is a fine line to walk. On that one may find is increasingly unclear, as the journey continues. See in the book, all the tree wanted to do was be loved back, and so it gave of itself because it loved and desired reciprocity. This is an entirely different conversation(and possibly blog post) in itself, if we try to determine if gestures of love are merely attempts to receive reciprocated affection. In the interest of time and space, lets move on. The previous theory was a very common one about me however I can honestly say that my motivation for my giving nature is not such. There is something about me that just hates to see those around me without. I have a tendency to give and give of myself until, I have nothing left for me. For a long time this was very self destructive. Most recently so in the last serious relationship I was in. It is never a good mix for a person that is needy to be with a person that is giving. It is a toxic symbiosis for both parties involved. I would do and do and do some more. For her, her family, her friends until I burned out. I got to a point where I felt taken advantage of and began to refuse. something that was alien to me. These out of character actions would not last long though as I quickly fell back into to my traditional role of giver. It became unhealthy and it was obvious to everyone around me, save for myself. I had to have a true awakening, and come to the realization that though I wanted to give her the world I could not at the expense of well....my world. Needless to say I had to re evaluate and reset. We wound up broken up. It was at this point that I approached giving with a new attitude. I still desired to give everyone I loved everything they ever wanted but, I realized that I needed to put myself in a better position to do so. I could not just wallow in the mire of my situation. I had to use my desire to give as a motivational tool. I must better myself, and put myself in a better position to give. I had to realize that those who I care about(and who care for me) have a strong desire to see me succeed, and have personal happiness. I had to learn to be concerned with self and strive for personal gain(to a degree at least). I still have a tendency every once in a while to over extend myself in an attempt to give to another but I am no longer hypnotically controlled by these desires. I unlike the tree have learned to give of myself without destroying myself in the process. In the end, It is ME that my loved ones truly desire....

Salaam

And the tree was happy

Evangeline

"Evangeline"

Lovers and fighters, from the inception of of history

have looked to the night sky for blessings of victory

and I being both thought to do much of the same

shout to the sky and make the stars write my name

but as my gaze affixed on the bright lights on heavens lawn

my eyes met a light that was so bright I became like a fawn

or a buck either a deer in the headlights in awe of sheer glory

so much so I have to dedicate time to telling the story

You see as my eyes locked on this distant beauty I was done

She smiled at me a smile as bright and furious as the sun

I call it a smile because the her twinkle changed as my gaze began

as if this star realized that it was being watched by its new biggest fan

I knew it was a smile because I could feel the warmth she gave

and i knew for fact that this was not how stars usually behave

I stared at the sky that night until the next night came

and I could feel her staring back at me the feeling still the same

and though we were separated by thousands of miles

our passion for each other is one for historical files

we communicated in a way that only we understood

our love like a hearth her the fire me the wood

I often wonder do I shine as bright to her as she does to me

Does she realize that I nightly pray for wings to make me free

I would pierce the heavens and traverse the void of space

There's no end to the end I would go just to see her face

I'd fight and scrap and struggle tooth and nail

determined that this in this battle I will prevail

I will give an effort like none that has ever been seen

because I have fallen in love with my own Evangeline

Star light

Star bright

First star I see tonight

I wish I may, I wish I might

Have this wish I wish tonight