Taboo: Tupperware

Tupperware

We all have them, In some way shape form or fashion. They have been acquired through various means, and serve a myriad of purposes. Yes I am talking about those airtight re-sealable plastic containers that we all keep in that special drawer, cabinet, or shelf. Most of the ones I own were secured of Shen-Long Chinese restaurant and their insanely delicious hot and sour soup. Others I purchased, and some were just kept after someone gave me food in them. Nevertheless they are now permanent fixtures in my life. Now if you have ever read any of my previous posts you already know that this post is not about plasticware. It is in fact about a characteristic of said plasticware, that being its airtight sealing ability. It's the biggest draw to these containers, after them being both microwavable and dishwasher safe.Their airtightness is what gives them the ability to preserve and protect what is inside of them. Which brings me to the core purpose of this post. That airtight protection, and how it is achieved. No not for your food, but for your alibi! If you have ever been late somewhere. If you have ever not met a deadline, or been caught speeding, or caught in any situation where you would be required to get yourself off the hook then you have created an alibi before. Some alibis(i.e. the dog ate my homework) are terrible and predictable, and will probably never work. However there are some alibis that ate lead pipe locks to work. Now the vast majority of these require proof for validation purposes. Like if you say you were ill, you may need a doctors note. If you were mourning a passing, you may be asked to present a death certificate, or Obituary. There is an upper echelon of alibi though. Ones that will be believed with no proof necessary. An airtight, solid and dare I say perfect alibi. I securely know of only one of these and there are only a handful of persons that can use it. Those persons being my male friends, and that Alibi being "I was with Ian"(I pray none of my buddies ladies read this lmao). Now it has been a blessing and a curse that every woman any of my friends has been with has taken to me. Some have even gone as far as to say I'm their favorite Bro In Law(awww). However this comes with great responsibility, see these women trust me with the care of their guy, when they are not around. I get a lot of, "Ian keep him out of trouble ok" or "Ian you'll look out for him right?" from them. It's actually quite amusing at times. It can be advantageous because I can use myself as a trump card. If we are having trouble getting a buddy out of the house, we(or I) simply tell his lady that I will be there and she folds. Its almost like a golden ticket. I guess the thing that makes this all so humorous is that up until maybe recent history(the past year) I was the "wild child" in the group. I guess the thing that set me apart was that all of these women understand the seriousness by which I approach relationships, and their sanctity. The downside is that the alibi also works, when I don't know whats going on. Yes "I was with Ian" has been used without my knowledge. It can be frustrating to find out after the fact but I suppose there is not much I can do besides at my buddies to at least give me a heads up. I don't really want to ruin my place as the airtight alibi, I just want to actually be there when we are all hanging out with me ya know? So fellas if you didn't realize this before know ya know, and ladies I am still to be trusted! Salaam

Tuesday's Taboo: Virtual Insanity

Virtual Insanity

(With a little real insanity on the side)

I just turned 25 this year and realized that several pop culture icons, classics, and events shared this silver anniversary with me. I also realized that my age has alloted me the ability to see the inception of several societal mainstays. I was there when the personal computer became a household item. I was around when the concept internet was conceived and then executed. I was around to see dial up become DSL, become T1,2,3, become cable, and then all go wireless. I witnessed the birth of social networking and was actually responsible for my college campus joining the original Facebook network. I have seen all of the evolution of the web and its users and have seen the media engine push it all. So it should be no surprise that after experiencing all of these births how depressing seeing a death must be for me. I don't mean the death of a person, i mean the death of collective practical sense(it started being common years ago) in society.

With the emergence of social networking in its current state, we have become a society of drones. It really scares me sometimes how quickly fallacies, trends, and nonsense spread on the internets. Most of it is due to a concept that I sum up into this saying. "Anything said out loud in public is automatically and indefensibly true." Now imagine if you are a sprightly young woman walking the corridors of your local mall, you are approached by a homely gentleman who is draped in a gaudy clown suit like ensemble with some famous logo emphatically displayed on it. He is rude and obnoxious and soliciting intercourse, you being a woman of elevated morals, discriminating taste of course reject the advances and proceed to walk away. Now before you are 30 ft away the young male proclaims. "Shorty in the leather boots there is a stuck up b*tch" You turn to speak and realized you are powerless, no matter what you do his opinion will be believed and based on your actions potentially supported. Fear not because I am in the crowd and proceed to decapitate the knave while not staining my pinstripe suit with his heart gunk. Now this is an extreme hypothetical, but things like this happen all the time. especially now that we have the web. The internet, and social networking is like alcohol. It doesn't turn you into a person you are not, it is not a mood amplifier, or a manipulator of your psyche. Like alcohol the internet is an amplifier turned to 11! It makes you a Bruce Banner turned Incredible Hulk version of yourself. Without all of the things that make humans naturally socially awkward(cowardice,insecurity,social class systems,cliques etc) the social networking scene is populated by those who have no social skills(trolls) or networking skills.

There are so many symptoms of the human condition that the internet or specifically the social aspect of it, actually worsen. I will proceed to describe (a few of) them.

Paranoia

Something that I suffer from in the real world, and try not to bring into the virtual one. Paranoia is a true sickness. On the net though it can be debilitating. People will not act, they won't speak. They will simply not do anything because they are paranoid of the ramifications. These are the people on FB who want no pictures tagged to them, who delete comments and open no messages. These people think that everyone is out to get them, you will also find them with a twitter DM outbox full of "was that last tweet about me" messages

Stalkers

Everyone that has ever been interested in a person of the opposite(or ocassionally same) sex has participated in this activity to some small degree. Only a select few of us have taken it to the level by which the activity becomes illegal. However on the internet where peoples privacy has been deemed public property EXTREME levels of stalking take place on a regular basis. Profile watching, lurking, creeping, tweetwatching, are all terms used to describe a group of creepy people who clandestinely focus on a person profile like well a STALKER!

Perverts

Every man by age 12 has learned at least 1000 things he can say to a woman that could get him slapped. That is considering that these things or their variations have been said face to face. when dealing with face to screen interaction, it becomes a bit more difficult to develop this same sense of social filter. A pervert will ask a woman he just "met" to show him her "tits" or gtfoh. He will show her pictures of his penis, he will make lewd comments and be generally graphic and vulgar. They let the pervert get away with it because he not directly talking to anyone face to face. However one day he will and will have never learned to do so politely!

Philosophers/Theologians

If you give a speaker(especially a preacher) a mic they will do just that. If you give someone a podium or a stage, or even worse an audience you are in for a world of trouble. Well guess what the internet is.....it's the steps of the Lincoln Memorial with full media coverage, vip tickets, and stadium sound. It is ridiculous how a person assumes they have said something deep because they over complicate a simple worn down cliche. It is more a sad commentary on our society that we have become so mentally diluted that these clowns actually get to have a following. It pains me not to say something to these clowns, but a wise man once told me "wise men should never argue with fools, because from a distance no one can tell the difference" and on the net, everyone is at a distance.

Narcissists

I don't think Narcissus himself was in love with himself as some of those on the net are. See our ancient Greek friend never had the chance to build virtual monuments to himself, or post things only because they will draw him attention. Whether it be photos or ridiculous verbiage. People have actually complained about their experiences on social networking sites because no one has been paying them any attention. Now I could understand this gripe being legitimate when the net was young, and there were less than a million users worldwide(around 0.006% of the population) and not really many opportunities for them to network, now there are people with web access who don't have access to running water and there is a networking site for speakers of over 60 languages. All i'm saying is we have options. We don't have to pay you attention.

Groupies

For as long as there will be groups or individuals deemed important in civilized society, then there will always be groupies. Groupies are a strange sect in real life but online they are a dominant force. Contemporary society is ruled by #Team some dam body and if you are not down with the team then you get attacked. Its quite an interesting dynamic. The way I always understood groupies they were low on the totem pole, but on the net they seem to have flipped things and have become the group of importance themselves.

There are various other groups of psycho internet personalities and I actually originally intended to open this post up to submissions from my fellow net denizens. If you read this blog and would like to describe a type of internet creep you can't stand hit me in the comments and I will include your addition and site you as a source! Now let me leave you with a prophetic 90's tune by my good man James Kay aka Jamiroquai

Tuesday's Taboo:Self Service

Self Service

We have Sam Rosenbaum to thank of for erecting the first Self Service "filling station"(as they were referred to then) Omaha, Nebraska in 1958. Since then his creation has become the universal norm(Save for In New Jersey and Oregon 0.o) in this country. However the concept of self service as I am referring to it, seriously out dates Ole Sam's invention. In fact in the sense that I am eluding to self service has been around almost as long as human curiosity(and self awareness) has existed. Since the dawn of time thousands upon thousands of names, techniques, tricks, benefits, and consequences have been affiliated with this concept. To avoid to much beating around the bush(and to hold the hand of those who need to catch up) I will bluntly state that I am referring to masturbation.

Masturbation has been a taboo since before history was recorded in comprehensible format, and will probably until the end of civilization. I will never forget my crash course in the art of manual release. I was in the seventh grade and trading insults with a classmate when he blurts out"Thats why you got caught in the livin room jackin off!" to which I retorted, "well thats why I heard you got caught kissin {insert gay male student in my 7th grade math class' name}"(sorry I couldn't remember) to which there was no rebuttal. I had won the "crackin" session but was thoroughly confused. You see I threw that Hail Mary Insult Pass because I truly had no idea to what degree I had been insulted and thusly went for the kill as a default reaction. I up to that point had no knowledge of the action, or the taboo associated with it. I know this is surprising for those who have any knowledge of my innately sexual nature. You see it was something we did not talk about at home, at family functions, or in church. Those being the place where at 12 I gained all of my knowledge of the world(I never watched much TV) so I was totally ignorant. I knew about sex, I attempted my first sex act at 5(Me and a 5 y/o girl my Granny was babysitting both stripped to our bare hides jumped in bed and began to "hunch". I got an immaculate ass whoopin from my Dad when we were caught) sex was around me from as early as I can remember. It would not be until the afternoon of that day in 7th grade that I would find out what masturbation was. In fact if I remember correctly I asked the guy who used the term to insult me to explain it to me(irony eh?) Even with this new knowledge it seemed like something I would not be interested in. It just did not seem natural. Now fast forward about 3 years and I am now 15 and convinced I am the only teenage male alive that had not had sex! At the time I had made the decision to wait until marriage, so I finally decided to try this thing as a way of keeping my desires at bay. It was like smoking marijuana for the first time.......I was convinced I had not done it right because I was not achieving what was described as the desired effect. In fact I felt I was doing more damage to myself than anything. The first time I tried I used soap for lubrication.....NEVER DO THIS!!!! In fact it was not until maybe the 4th or 5th attempt(and more enlightenment from a female friend/expert) that I correctly achieved climax. It was once again like getting high the first time, it was initially amazing and eternally unattainable. Now I would say that when it comes to it I fall somewhere between never and below average. However I do generally support the idea of the concept! Not for men exclusively either. I understand this is an even greater taboo for women but come on, if you have ever danced to Lady GaGa, mentioned Katt Stacks, or worn Baby Phat, then you are incapable of shame anyway! Don't get me wrong I am not trying to persuade anyone to my stance, all I will do is expound on my thought process in coming to it. I considered what I feel to be the most compelling arguments for and against(which were all presented to me from actual human interactions!) the idea of Self Serving

Pros

(contributors relation to me)

Fidelity - (A Close College Buddy)

"Look fellas I am telling no man not to go smash as many females as he wants, but only if you are single. Don't cheat on your girl man, especially if you got a good girl! You are a better man than to cheat cause your girl aint here. Hell put the lotion in the mocrowave if you need to!" Yes my good friend said this in a public forum amongst other men. I wanted to laugh but I had already left the land of the living and had to be hit with the defibrillator before I could do anything! His presentation was obscenely comedic, but his point was overtly concrete. Cheating is wrong, and should be avoided at all costs if one is to consider themselves an adult deserving of respect. I can totally see where he was coming from. I mean if this is what you must do to get by until the next time you two are reunited for the purpose of coitus then by all means do it

Celibacy - (A "too close" female friend of a friend)

With one hand on my crotch(Mr. Frank and the Bean twins all at once) and the other "wielding" a toy she told me this. "I use this(waves toy) so that I don't have to use that (squeezes crotch >..<)" I had to respect her, once because she held the lives of my children(future) in her grasp, and second because she was committed to her principle. She knew that just because she decided to stop fulfilling the desire that it did not mean she would be liberated of the desire itself. Therefore she found a proxy, that did not violate her principles. I thought it was commendable. I once had another buddy who was a virgin tell me that he was "sexually frustrated" I told him that was impossible. He asked me to explain how? I told him that unless you have been underwater gasping for air you will never know what its like to long for a single breath of air. He saw it my way after that. If celibacy is living underwater than masturbation must be gills.

Insomnia - (A former lover)

The scientific community has discovered that there is a myriad of chemicals released into the body at the point of orgasm, however four in particular have a profound effect on us. Oxytocin a chemical which causes diminished stress and tension, Vassopressin which incites a feeling of trust and attachment, Melatonin a chemical common in sleeping pills which has a profound on your bodies internal clock, and perhaps the greatest culprit Prolactin a chemical that usually prevelant at high levels during sleep to help the body maintain that state(sidenote according to the 5th paragraph of this article I may have a Prolactin defficiency). Now the science community has determined that incoursal orgasms produce 4 times as much Prolactin as masturbatory ones, it is still a level high enough to lead to immediate sleepiness. Perhaps this is why the young lady told me she had to develop a "natural" remedy to insomnia since and I quote "I don't have time to be addicted to sleeping pills or you"

Cons

Obsession - (College Acquaintance)

I am not a person who has an addictive personality. I think I too stubborn(and narcissistic) to allow anything to have that much control over me and my actions. However some people are not capable of the same thing. Some folks have to completely abstain from alcohol because one drink will have them off the wagon, some people can't look at a cigarette or else they will end up buying a pack and so on and so forth. The same goes when it comes to masturbation. During my first stint in college I actually had a guy confess to me(WHY ME!?!?!?) that he had started doing it when he was 11 and had been hooked ever since. To the point where he can't start a day without touching himself in the shower, before dressing, and before he leaves the house/dorm. So after I prayed with him(and sanitized my hands) I began to think how many people suffered from this addiction. Like most things in the world in moderation its harmless but beyond the physical ramifications, the social, emotional, and psychological harm are potentially tragic

Cleanliness - (Female High School Friend/Expert)

It was in the 10th grade that not only was I educated in the proper technique, but I was also taught about a special "ability" that only a small percentage of the female population posses. See the young lady explained to me what a "squirter" was, and all the intricacies of dealing with one. She was by her proclamation, one herself(yet unproven) and therefore could speak as an authority. At either rate I was taken aback after discovering that clean up could be a deferring issue for women also.

Religion - (A Co-Worker at Starbucks)

I can only speak from what I know in this regard, and will be respectful to everyone's beliefs. With that said, there are three topics that the average mortal need not ever debate me in. 1. Greek Mythology 2. Spike Lee Movies 3. The Bible why did my co worker choose The Bible, at either rate they were not able to provide tangible contextual scriptural evidence that speaks against this practice, HOWEVER. I must concede that there is a passage I live by now and in retrospect should have remembered more quickly. That says(and I'll paraphrase) That no one should do anything that hinders another's walk. So even though I know that in Christianity there is no basis for an argument against, if it is an intricate part of your journey It is not my place to block your path.

So there it is, all layed out for you to ingest and make your own decision. I am putting the "ball" in your "hands" do with it what you Will!

Bloggers Note: Just for Shiggles(Shits + Giggles) why not check out this site and see if you have any of these characteristics LMAO

MEDIA MONDAYS: Bonus!

Bonus Media!!!

I could not resist posting these two very creative videos. The first one is a really good mashup of one of my favorite favorite Michael Jackson songs(Smooth Criminal) and a song from a Sonic the Hedgehog game. I am normally not a fan of most mashups but this one impressed me. The other video is from the highly creative band OK GO! They always amaze me with their music videos and this one for their song White Knuckles. Enjoy!

Tashakor

Michael Jackson V. Sonic The Hedgehog

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

OK GO! - White Knuckles

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

MEDIA MONDAYS: Nostalgia Edition

Nostalgia:

Cartoon Planet/Space Ghost Coast To Coast

At some point this weekend I slipped into an extremely nostalgic mood. I was reminiscing on old music, movies, and tv shows I used to love. So of course this pair of shows sprung immediately into my mind. The concept of each of them was pure un-adulterated genius! First lets take "Cartoon Planet" which I believe was the predecessor of SGCTC. You take clips of an old Hannah-Babera cartoon(Space Ghost circa 1960s), a cast of hilarious voice actors, infuse clips of other(Hannah-Barbera) cartoons, musical numbers, recurring bit pieces and the end result is a timeless variety show that was light years, and eons before its time. Everything was intentional from Space Ghosts flying in backwards to Brack's one liners and even the memorable "Bloop Bloop" sound effect of Zorak's blink(shotout to Lynea for perfectly imitating that sound in gifted class) it was all for the purpose of comedy. It was sheer brilliance, in a random wait did that just happen hold on they are ridiculous this is so funny kind of way.

Now lets examine Space Ghost Coast To Coast,which I believe to be the spin off of Cartoon Planet. We carry over Space Ghost and Zorak, lose Brack but pick up Moltar. The concept of the show is no longer a variety program, and is now an Intergalactic talk show. Space Ghost is of course the host, Zorak is the band, and Moltar is the producer/director/engineer. Now you would probably expect SG to be limited to interviewing his fellow cartoons, but you would be wrong! The show (when it had them) featured actual human guests, and needless to say hillarity would ensue. This show like its predecessor was far too ahead of its time. It's perfection in concept and execution are something that will stick with me forever though. Perhaps Adult Swim will give this show another shot, as it originally aired in the early inception of the programming block, if not then we will always have the memories. "Bloop Bloop"

Salaam!

The Cast:

Space Ghost

Zorak

Brack

Moltar

Clips:

Cartoon Planet

Space Ghost Coast To Coast

"You can't be afraid to dream a little bigger darling"

"It's Called Inception"

Did I ever mention how much I loved this movie? Well let's just say I saw it three times. It was engrossing, in fact I am theorizing and postulating the complexities and intricacies of the film. So to give my brain a rest from the contortionist act i have it doing I will share with you these mash ups of the trailer. They are to me the top 3 from a list of 12

"How can I drop you if there is no gravity?"

Inception x The Matrix

Inception x Monsters Inc.

Inception x The Lord Of The Rings: Fellowship Of The Ring

Tuesday's Taboo: Environmentalism

Save The Rainforest!

So by now anyone who reads my blog knows that my titles rarely have anything(directly) to do with the content of the post. So heavy disclaimer this post is not about the actual rainforest like the one you would see in South America. It is about a different southern region that I have given the name the rainforest. Now when you think of the rainforest, you think of a mystical, beautiful place. A place of lush growth, warmth and heavy moisture. A beautiful place that is constantly in danger of being over cut. If you have not gotten me yet(you don't follow me on twitter clearly) then let me help you out. I am referring to the nether region of the female anatomy! Yes I have name the paradise in a womans panties after, real life paradise. The two have all of the aforementioned things in common and I am equally interested in saving both of them.

Now many a time I have been told because of my preference in things that I was born in the wrong decade. The only American cars I like were made before 1975. Some of my favorite music was recorded before I was born. I seldom dress like someone in my peer age group(I am still FLY though) and my countenance, gait, and demeanor, remind many of days of old. So when it comes to this whole personal grooming thing(I am trying to avoid vulgarity) I once again must take the classic stance. Perhaps it is due to exposure like all of my other dated preferences. The first cars I rode in were classics, I lived for 4 years of my life surrounded by adults, and thus have develop most of my "old school" ways from those experiences. The first time I saw a bare pubic region I was about 8. It wasn't live, and the internets had not been invented yet(dam I'm old) so I didn't see it there either. This experience came during a stay at my great grandmother's(s/n am I the only one who's great grandmother's bed had that 2 ton blanket she put on you when she wanted you to go to sleep?) house. I to this very day have never asked but have always wondered why on a shelf behind some old plates my great grandmother had a set of beautiful glasses with the image of naked women spread eagle on them. 0.o At any rate this was my first time seeing the rainforest.

Now I would continue to have other experiences that would lead me to understand this as the norm, accidentally finding my fathers stash(which he was playing in my VCR on my tv age 11), a friend gifting me vintage playboy mags(age14) and the loss of my virginity(age 16) however it would seem after that I was behind some universal growth curve. everyone had at some meeting that I was surely not invited to, decided that women must be shaved. I could not understand why. I found so much beauty in the rainforest. So much mystery, and intrigue. Not to mention it is just flat out sexy! My idea though is that (despite our unwillingness to admit it) the increase in the availability and quality of pornography has shaped our sexuality as a society. When women wore a bush in Playboy and were considered the sexiest women in society(or at least the ones that men desired) other women followed suit. So when cameras got clearer, and the web came into play, and our desire to infuse ourselves became greater porn had to adjust. Thus the scorched earth theory was born. I actually think it's a morbid ideology because it was bred from the idea that if a man can shave his beard and look younger that a woman can groom her pubic hair and appear younger. Gentleman this is borderline pedophilia! This desire for a "hot teen" or young "nymph" has driven men to have women follow in this bizarre grooming practice. Now I do believe like any area of growth pruning is necessary for maximum beautification, but keep in mind why an evergreen is beautiful. Because it's lush and full, now imagine if all there was to it was the trunk. I mean I know I am in the minority in this but come on, if more of us speak up we can become the majority again, and take things back to where they should be! Together we can save the rainforests of the world and preserve true beauty!

Besides who really thinks this is sexy.....

MEDIA MONDAYS: Late Edition vol. II

TV? What's That?

So A recurring theme in my life the past two weeks is busy-ness(yep I just created a word) to the degree that I have almost completely lost contact with the outside world. However thanks to the amazing gift of God that is the internets I have been able to(in the wee hours of the morning) catch up on some missed TV time! Okay lets be real, I watch maybe a handful of shows so I'm not missing much. However one show I try to follow faithfully. Season 7 recently ended and the finale was of the type that made me contemplate lobotomizing myself! I suppose the silver lining is that HBO Sunday Night Programming will not be letting me down for long with the return of two shows I grew to love in each of their respective inaugural seasons.

Entourage

I as a competent human being should have seen this coming. I mean anything associated with Mark Wahlberg is destined to bring me to a high cliff of excitement and then drop me to the canyon floor. I was thoroughly excited about all the positive things that were going to happen this season, but It seemed that about half way through(and right when the excitement peaked) that the necessary conflict of any good story reared its ugly head. after about episode 6 they could have renamed the program Murphy's Law. However the seventh season(in its entirety) and its finale did one thing better than ever......It made you want to keep watching the show! The ending of the finale(which I won't spoil) is writhe with conflict, uncertainty, and tension. WTF!?!?!? is a drastic understatement..........is it 2011 yet?

Bored To Death

A comedy romp that features three of the funniest men to ever grace the same screen. Over the top writing, and spot on comedic timing make this program a must see. It's the kind of funny that assumes you are intelligent and dignified, then hands you a beer and demands you loosen your tie and kick off your shoes.

Eastbound and Down

You don't have to be a fan of baseball, or even sports to love this show. All you really have to do is enjoy comedy. It's hard to tell if they wrote this character specifically for Danny McBride, or if he just invented it from within himself. At either rate Kenny Powers is back!

America's Most Wanted

Wanted: Dead Or Alive

I must admit that as a child this was one of my favorite shows to watch when I was younger. I thought it was so cool to see some of the stuff, people did to make the list. The crimes were anywhere from Ingenious, to Insane, to down right Idiotic! I never thought though, that I would end up on one of these lists. I would, on the evening of my 25th birthday, that I was sadly mistaken. I may as we speak be on one of the most dangerous criminal lists in the world. I am being hunted by perhaps one the most powerful organizations on the planet. I am wanted, for crimes against none other than.......Whole Foods Market!(dun dun dunnnnn) Seriously though. They are in hot pursuit of me, and if you fear that you may be personally implicated by reading this post, you can stop now. Thanks for sticking with me guys!(even though some of yal got warrants) Now lets back track a bit. I am given this idea to participate in a private cooking demonstration, and then have a dinner party with said food. Sounds like a golden idea. I call my local whole foods market up(wait you heard this part in "The Natural") and arrange things. Ok so lets skip to the day of the event. Now for those who know me, know that I am a stickler for time. I strive to get everywhere early, right on time at the absolute latest. However since moving to a new city I live with a Human who has no concept of time(>.<). Needless to say, its the day of the event and we are running late. So I do the proactive thing and call ahead to let the good people know that I would be late. After a strange verbal exchange me and the shifty(their word not mine) on duty came to an understanding. I explained I would be arriving with my guests anywhere between 6:30 and 7:00 pm. As it would turn out we would have another hiccup and end up about 15 minutes later than that. I receive a call from a flustered sounding young woman, asking me if I was still coming as it was then a quarter after 7. I told her yes, but after a short in car meeting decided against it, because we would be missing the demonstration because the chef department was busy and she would have to start cooking the food. I make the phone call(pronounced 3 phone calls) and get the major run around before finally explaining I wouldn't be making it. We make other plans and are actually stepping out of the parked car at the restaurant we decided to go to when I get a call back from the Marketplace. In this phone call I get asked if there is no way that I can make it because the food(yes the food that was just starting to be cooked) was already done, and the market is not prepared to front the bill.(some $200) Now here are my issues. First off, why did you lie to me about the readiness level of the food? Honesty there could have greatly changed the final verdict. Secondly, why was this not discussed during the first cancellation convo? Finally and importantly, lets say I am a truly uncaring prick, you never got any info on me, you never had me fill out any paperwork, so ummm whats to stop me from just saying "tough tittie"? I mean it's the night of my 25th birthday and you really expect me to remember to call you on TUESDAY(a full 3 days later) Well since I am not calling and they have none of my information(besides my first name and phone number) I will have to assume I am being placed on the international Whole Foods Most wanted list. I have only two requests, don't judge me, and if I call you and say I need you to pick me up from the grocer.....just come.

What's That #1 Zodiac Sign!!!!!

VIRGO!

Now I have been quoted as saying "I have renounced my Zodiac sign, I no longer have one" however I think I am willing to change this position. First off I tend to support my sign on and around my birthday(9/4). I have realized my war is not with the zodiac itself but rather with horoscopes. I realize that the zodiac is just another way of categorical comprehension, which is vital to the human mind. The horoscope is what is ridiculous I truly feel like people manipulate or infuse their lives with the junk they read in them because someone put in print that Geminis have dual personalities(you realize you have self diagnosed yourself bi-polar,schizophrenic etc?). So since I have rejoined the Virgo ranks(my Bday is tomorrow) and since I felt my Blog was getting a bit word heavy(I thank you for not hitting me with the TLDNR yet!) I decided to throw some Virgo themed media your way! All the media below is affiliated with Virgos in some way, shape, form, or fashion!

Enjoy Salaam!

Ludacris(9/11/77) feat. Nas(9/14/73) and Doug E. Fresh(9/17/66) - Virgo

Beyonce(9/4/81) - Gift From Virgo

Wayne Shorter(8/25/33) - Virgo

Hillarious Virgo Horoscope Song!

(I don't like the 3rd degree FTW)

Famous Virgos (Deceased)

Queen Elizabeth I (9/7/1533)

Mother Teresa (8/27/1910)

Michael Jackson (8/29/1958)

Famous Virgos (Living)

Damon Wayans (9/4/1960)

Dave Chappelle (8/24/73)

Jada Pinkett - Smith (9/18/71)