America's Most Wanted

Wanted: Dead Or Alive

I must admit that as a child this was one of my favorite shows to watch when I was younger. I thought it was so cool to see some of the stuff, people did to make the list. The crimes were anywhere from Ingenious, to Insane, to down right Idiotic! I never thought though, that I would end up on one of these lists. I would, on the evening of my 25th birthday, that I was sadly mistaken. I may as we speak be on one of the most dangerous criminal lists in the world. I am being hunted by perhaps one the most powerful organizations on the planet. I am wanted, for crimes against none other than.......Whole Foods Market!(dun dun dunnnnn) Seriously though. They are in hot pursuit of me, and if you fear that you may be personally implicated by reading this post, you can stop now. Thanks for sticking with me guys!(even though some of yal got warrants) Now lets back track a bit. I am given this idea to participate in a private cooking demonstration, and then have a dinner party with said food. Sounds like a golden idea. I call my local whole foods market up(wait you heard this part in "The Natural") and arrange things. Ok so lets skip to the day of the event. Now for those who know me, know that I am a stickler for time. I strive to get everywhere early, right on time at the absolute latest. However since moving to a new city I live with a Human who has no concept of time(>.<). Needless to say, its the day of the event and we are running late. So I do the proactive thing and call ahead to let the good people know that I would be late. After a strange verbal exchange me and the shifty(their word not mine) on duty came to an understanding. I explained I would be arriving with my guests anywhere between 6:30 and 7:00 pm. As it would turn out we would have another hiccup and end up about 15 minutes later than that. I receive a call from a flustered sounding young woman, asking me if I was still coming as it was then a quarter after 7. I told her yes, but after a short in car meeting decided against it, because we would be missing the demonstration because the chef department was busy and she would have to start cooking the food. I make the phone call(pronounced 3 phone calls) and get the major run around before finally explaining I wouldn't be making it. We make other plans and are actually stepping out of the parked car at the restaurant we decided to go to when I get a call back from the Marketplace. In this phone call I get asked if there is no way that I can make it because the food(yes the food that was just starting to be cooked) was already done, and the market is not prepared to front the bill.(some $200) Now here are my issues. First off, why did you lie to me about the readiness level of the food? Honesty there could have greatly changed the final verdict. Secondly, why was this not discussed during the first cancellation convo? Finally and importantly, lets say I am a truly uncaring prick, you never got any info on me, you never had me fill out any paperwork, so ummm whats to stop me from just saying "tough tittie"? I mean it's the night of my 25th birthday and you really expect me to remember to call you on TUESDAY(a full 3 days later) Well since I am not calling and they have none of my information(besides my first name and phone number) I will have to assume I am being placed on the international Whole Foods Most wanted list. I have only two requests, don't judge me, and if I call you and say I need you to pick me up from the grocer.....just come.