Introspection: Effortless

Introspection Series:

One thing that the past year has taught me(9/4/2009 - Present) is that introspection is the most powerful, and yet the most difficult to use tool for personal betterment. I have learned through many long sleepless night, that looking in on myself was the best way to improve myself. Not only looking in on my self, but looking in with the lens of certain(trusted and respected) outside sources. Then accepting and addressing the things I saw there. It has been(and still is) a long tedious, and at times painful process. The thing that continues to inspire though is the though that much like fine metallic ores, this refining process will see me enhanced upon its completion. I am sharing it with you as a form of personal therapy....enjoy the ride. Tashakor

Effortless

adj. Calling for, requiring, or showing little or no effort.

My entire life has been dictated by one statement made by a substitute teacher in my 3rd grade class. "Ian is the smartest student I have ever seen, If only he would try he would could accomplish anything." This statement has been the unfortunate truth about me for a very long time. At age 6 I had my IQ tested and recorded to be 180(here's what that means), in the 2nd grade I was tested gifted, and after High School graduation I applied and was tentatively accepted into Mensa (full admittance was predicated on passing a test interview, the nearest interviewer to me at the time was in San Juan, Puerto Rico...) bordering on sounding arrogant, not a lot was challenging to me in regards to education. This to most would be the formula for sure success, however I(to my eternal regret) chose a less poignant stance. Instead of putting forth the necessary effort to fly through school stopping only to collect awards and accolades, I lost interest. I deemed things as below me, or demeaning to me. I would not complete homework because I did not need the reinforcement. I would not prepare for tests, I would slack on papers, and sham through projects. I actually had a college professor tell me once that at 50% effort I was brighter than 95% of his students. With that said why then am I writing this blog as opposed to preparing my Doctoral Dissertation?(where at 25 I could have been, had max effort been put in from early enough in my school career) Well quite frankly because I always satisfied myself with the knowledge that I never needed to try. I always fed off the compliments of "oh he's so sharp" or "Oh he's so well spoken" or "Wow that guys is smart" never having anything to prove or support these things. I have sat by and watched people of(no offense) lesser intelligence earn degrees, and go on to great educational success, and all I could say is "Oh well both of us know I'm smarter than that person" however through much introspection I have discovered that I am probably the least intelligent person I know. Why, because I have not learned(well not until recently) how not to waste the opportunities I have been given. Now I am at a place where I am demanding of myself to produce. I am requiring that I procure the tangible proof of my intellect. I am doing everything in my power to remove this stigma of having no effort. I will press my nose to the grindstone and work to show the world simply that I can. The fact that I can now admit this and the effect it has had on me is my personal proof that I am ready to face this demon in my life. The Irony is that a single piece of paper(My IQ test results) told the world that I was a "genius" but the lack of another single piece of paper(A degree) is negating the first.

Even if I never reach my mountaintop it will not have been for lack of pushing. Salaam