Self Service
We have Sam Rosenbaum to thank of for erecting the first Self Service "filling station"(as they were referred to then) Omaha, Nebraska in 1958. Since then his creation has become the universal norm(Save for In New Jersey and Oregon 0.o) in this country. However the concept of self service as I am referring to it, seriously out dates Ole Sam's invention. In fact in the sense that I am eluding to self service has been around almost as long as human curiosity(and self awareness) has existed. Since the dawn of time thousands upon thousands of names, techniques, tricks, benefits, and consequences have been affiliated with this concept. To avoid to much beating around the bush(and to hold the hand of those who need to catch up) I will bluntly state that I am referring to masturbation.
Masturbation has been a taboo since before history was recorded in comprehensible format, and will probably until the end of civilization. I will never forget my crash course in the art of manual release. I was in the seventh grade and trading insults with a classmate when he blurts out"Thats why you got caught in the livin room jackin off!" to which I retorted, "well thats why I heard you got caught kissin {insert gay male student in my 7th grade math class' name}"(sorry I couldn't remember) to which there was no rebuttal. I had won the "crackin" session but was thoroughly confused. You see I threw that Hail Mary Insult Pass because I truly had no idea to what degree I had been insulted and thusly went for the kill as a default reaction. I up to that point had no knowledge of the action, or the taboo associated with it. I know this is surprising for those who have any knowledge of my innately sexual nature. You see it was something we did not talk about at home, at family functions, or in church. Those being the place where at 12 I gained all of my knowledge of the world(I never watched much TV) so I was totally ignorant. I knew about sex, I attempted my first sex act at 5(Me and a 5 y/o girl my Granny was babysitting both stripped to our bare hides jumped in bed and began to "hunch". I got an immaculate ass whoopin from my Dad when we were caught) sex was around me from as early as I can remember. It would not be until the afternoon of that day in 7th grade that I would find out what masturbation was. In fact if I remember correctly I asked the guy who used the term to insult me to explain it to me(irony eh?) Even with this new knowledge it seemed like something I would not be interested in. It just did not seem natural. Now fast forward about 3 years and I am now 15 and convinced I am the only teenage male alive that had not had sex! At the time I had made the decision to wait until marriage, so I finally decided to try this thing as a way of keeping my desires at bay. It was like smoking marijuana for the first time.......I was convinced I had not done it right because I was not achieving what was described as the desired effect. In fact I felt I was doing more damage to myself than anything. The first time I tried I used soap for lubrication.....NEVER DO THIS!!!! In fact it was not until maybe the 4th or 5th attempt(and more enlightenment from a female friend/expert) that I correctly achieved climax. It was once again like getting high the first time, it was initially amazing and eternally unattainable. Now I would say that when it comes to it I fall somewhere between never and below average. However I do generally support the idea of the concept! Not for men exclusively either. I understand this is an even greater taboo for women but come on, if you have ever danced to Lady GaGa, mentioned Katt Stacks, or worn Baby Phat, then you are incapable of shame anyway! Don't get me wrong I am not trying to persuade anyone to my stance, all I will do is expound on my thought process in coming to it. I considered what I feel to be the most compelling arguments for and against(which were all presented to me from actual human interactions!) the idea of Self Serving
Pros
(contributors relation to me)
Fidelity - (A Close College Buddy)
"Look fellas I am telling no man not to go smash as many females as he wants, but only if you are single. Don't cheat on your girl man, especially if you got a good girl! You are a better man than to cheat cause your girl aint here. Hell put the lotion in the mocrowave if you need to!" Yes my good friend said this in a public forum amongst other men. I wanted to laugh but I had already left the land of the living and had to be hit with the defibrillator before I could do anything! His presentation was obscenely comedic, but his point was overtly concrete. Cheating is wrong, and should be avoided at all costs if one is to consider themselves an adult deserving of respect. I can totally see where he was coming from. I mean if this is what you must do to get by until the next time you two are reunited for the purpose of coitus then by all means do it
Celibacy - (A "too close" female friend of a friend)
With one hand on my crotch(Mr. Frank and the Bean twins all at once) and the other "wielding" a toy she told me this. "I use this(waves toy) so that I don't have to use that (squeezes crotch >..<)" I had to respect her, once because she held the lives of my children(future) in her grasp, and second because she was committed to her principle. She knew that just because she decided to stop fulfilling the desire that it did not mean she would be liberated of the desire itself. Therefore she found a proxy, that did not violate her principles. I thought it was commendable. I once had another buddy who was a virgin tell me that he was "sexually frustrated" I told him that was impossible. He asked me to explain how? I told him that unless you have been underwater gasping for air you will never know what its like to long for a single breath of air. He saw it my way after that. If celibacy is living underwater than masturbation must be gills.
Insomnia - (A former lover)
The scientific community has discovered that there is a myriad of chemicals released into the body at the point of orgasm, however four in particular have a profound effect on us. Oxytocin a chemical which causes diminished stress and tension, Vassopressin which incites a feeling of trust and attachment, Melatonin a chemical common in sleeping pills which has a profound on your bodies internal clock, and perhaps the greatest culprit Prolactin a chemical that usually prevelant at high levels during sleep to help the body maintain that state(sidenote according to the 5th paragraph of this article I may have a Prolactin defficiency). Now the science community has determined that incoursal orgasms produce 4 times as much Prolactin as masturbatory ones, it is still a level high enough to lead to immediate sleepiness. Perhaps this is why the young lady told me she had to develop a "natural" remedy to insomnia since and I quote "I don't have time to be addicted to sleeping pills or you"
Cons
Obsession - (College Acquaintance)
I am not a person who has an addictive personality. I think I too stubborn(and narcissistic) to allow anything to have that much control over me and my actions. However some people are not capable of the same thing. Some folks have to completely abstain from alcohol because one drink will have them off the wagon, some people can't look at a cigarette or else they will end up buying a pack and so on and so forth. The same goes when it comes to masturbation. During my first stint in college I actually had a guy confess to me(WHY ME!?!?!?) that he had started doing it when he was 11 and had been hooked ever since. To the point where he can't start a day without touching himself in the shower, before dressing, and before he leaves the house/dorm. So after I prayed with him(and sanitized my hands) I began to think how many people suffered from this addiction. Like most things in the world in moderation its harmless but beyond the physical ramifications, the social, emotional, and psychological harm are potentially tragic
Cleanliness - (Female High School Friend/Expert)
It was in the 10th grade that not only was I educated in the proper technique, but I was also taught about a special "ability" that only a small percentage of the female population posses. See the young lady explained to me what a "squirter" was, and all the intricacies of dealing with one. She was by her proclamation, one herself(yet unproven) and therefore could speak as an authority. At either rate I was taken aback after discovering that clean up could be a deferring issue for women also.
Religion - (A Co-Worker at Starbucks)
I can only speak from what I know in this regard, and will be respectful to everyone's beliefs. With that said, there are three topics that the average mortal need not ever debate me in. 1. Greek Mythology 2. Spike Lee Movies 3. The Bible why did my co worker choose The Bible, at either rate they were not able to provide tangible contextual scriptural evidence that speaks against this practice, HOWEVER. I must concede that there is a passage I live by now and in retrospect should have remembered more quickly. That says(and I'll paraphrase) That no one should do anything that hinders another's walk. So even though I know that in Christianity there is no basis for an argument against, if it is an intricate part of your journey It is not my place to block your path.
So there it is, all layed out for you to ingest and make your own decision. I am putting the "ball" in your "hands" do with it what you Will!
Bloggers Note: Just for Shiggles(Shits + Giggles) why not check out this site and see if you have any of these characteristics LMAO
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