Waste Managment

Waste Management

With both college and pro football seasons both swiftly approaching, I thought it was only fair of me to help those sports fans out there who might feel bold enough to participate in an open debate about sports. As we all know the majority of these debates begin with what we believe is harmless trash talk and ends in you betting your annual salary on the Cowboys to beat my Falcons(I won and was never paid smh oh yeah and I was maybe 12 at the time) Any true sports fan(atic) has been there, and if you haven't trust your time is coming soon. The way you protect yourself is to be able to back up your trash talk with solid and sound debate skills. Now mind you no matter the level of your knowledge or debate ability, your team losing negates any verbal victory you may have gained, and earns you an uninhibited tongue lashing. This guide, however will help you in case you encounter(while in a casual debate) some of your more dangerous sports debaters. In fat how about I discuss The 4 Horsemen Of Sports Debate Apocalypse

1. "Guru"

Professor Stephen Hawking is a theoretical physicist, he has such a knowledge of the way the world scientifically works that there are people who are actually interested in eating his brain when he passes away. We can agree that he knows everything about about physics that there is to know, Guru is the Stephen Hawking of Sports. This guy is dangerous in that he knows the 7th leading receiver on the Cleveland Browns......Eric Mangini(The Browns Coach) doesn't even have this knowledge. This guy knows who your favorite team cut to create their 52 man roster, he knows every Yankees starting line-up for every World Series, he knows the shooting percentage of the third string point guard from the Charlotte Bobcats first season in the league. He knows EVERYTHING!

2. "Cyclops"

The Kansas Jayhawks are going to win the College Football National Championship! The Los Angeles Kings will win the Stanley Cup! The Tibetan Soccer Team will win the World Cup! Okay I know Tibet doesn't have a soccer team. However if they did, I am sure they would soon gain a Cyclops. A Cyclops is a fan who has tunnel vision when it comes to fandom. They see their team as a marvel of sports perfection and can not envision a reality where they are not the best team in their respective league. The cyclops is dangerous in that he can only understand positive things involving his team. You can't introduce any new concepts to this guy because all he knows is his team. Be careful when opposing a Cyclops as they have the great potential to become a "Vesuvius"

3. "Letter-Man"

This guy will one day be some leagues coach of the year, decade, and all century. He played ball in high school but couldn't transfer his game to the next level. So he watches and critiques every single bit of game film he can get his hands on. He gorges on it, his desire for offensive scheme signals, defensive shifts, and special teams assignments is insatiable. He will argue anyone down that the way the coaches(yes the ones for the teams with the million dollar salaries) don't know what they are doing. He has no time to discuss players or their ability, have you seen the hideous formation the Northwestern's Lacrosse team is running? This guy will drive you nuts with Xs and Os and no sweetheart I ain't talkin hugs and kisses

4. "Vesuvius"

Yes the explosive and destructive Italian volcano. It is well known fact that it got its name from this guy. Vesuvius is that guy who is waiting to blow his top at the drop of a dime. You say something he disagrees with and he will explode in to a cataclysmic rage incinerating all who are unfortunate enough to be in the destructive path of his vocal magma. He will yell, scream, curse, flail, he may even throw something. He is usually a Cyclops that has endured talk of a team other than his, well beyond his boiling point. In fact all of the four horseman possess the ability to become a Vesuvius if provoked to the right end. Try not to get this guy angry.....you wouldn't like him when he's angry

Ok now that you have seen what you are up against allow me to lay down a few basic rules for survival, to keep your trash talking from leading to your decapitation.

1. Do your best to keep the trash talk/debate friendly and cordial. The freaks only feel comfortable in certain levels of dischord

2.Try to stay away from poor taste and bad humor. If its not funny it might be offensive. You never want to ignite one of the 4 horsemen by insulting him

3. never kick a man when he is down. If a guys team has just suffered a tough loss don't provoke him unless you are prepared to become the verbal equivalent of Guile(Blonde Guy in fatigues) in this clip

4. Stay in your lane. Know your strong suits and only participate in discussions involving them

5. Spread the love/hate. never just trash talk one guy, or one team, or one city. You don't want to have to tell your wife you can never visit the Rock H.O.F. because the entire city of Cleveland hates you

6. Do your homework. The best trash talk is that which is undeniably true. However do the research to make sure you are well armed.

7. Be aware and well versed in the use of the bait and switch. Start off by saying something positive, and then completely slam a guy.

8. Never, Ever, Ever, EVER, try to argue the validity of any undefeated season(complete or regular) it is pointless, and hey you just have to give up something sometimes

9. Be weary of attacking a fan of a team yours just lost too. You will come off as bitter.

10. Own your trash talking! Say what you mean, and mean what you say! Be prepared for all consequences and DO NOT Punk out from what you said!

Keep these in mind, and you should be able to avoid death at one of the four horseman's tongues.(pause) Try to follow them, and you should be just fine. Remember its all in fun, if you ever get on a high horse keep in mind you run the risk of becoming one of the aforementioned freaks!